Hi friends — I’m sharing an extra-special post today about food anxiety in restaurants, a struggle I dealt with for many years and a topic I get asked about constantly. This post is primarily a Q&A based on your questions (thank you to everyone who submitted them), but first I’ll give a brief overview of my experience with severe food anxiety around eating out. If you are currently struggling with an eating disorder, please seek professional help. I recommend checking the NEDA website for resources and support.
At one point I spent more time researching menus and calculating calories than actually enjoying meals at restaurants. In my early twenties, eating out felt like an enormous production every single time. My rules were rigid: no added oils, dressings on the side, everything as bland as possible. Eating disorders are complex — they aren’t just about food — and they bring intense social and food-related anxiety that can consume your life. Looking back, the pressure I felt to eat as “cleanly” as possible caused me to miss out on many meaningful experiences.
During the worst of it, I ate the same three dinners on repeat at the same time each night. I tracked calories, timed meals to maximize perceived metabolic benefits, and treated restaurants as the unknown — a source of contamination and unpredictability. I remember Panera being on my “safe” list simply because they printed calorie counts next to menu items. Food became numbers rather than pleasure: not flavor or texture, just calories to manage.
When I was at a restaurant I felt a mix of emotions: pressure to eat “bad” foods, guilt for feeling pressured, fear of weight gain, and intense self-consciousness as if everyone were watching and judging my order. I also felt out of control because I wasn’t preparing the food myself. My thoughts often wandered to how I would “undo” the meal later — extra exercise, skipping calories the next day — instead of being present in the moment.
Restaurant anxiety was a major element of my eating disorder. Over time, through treatment and deliberate practice, I learned to normalize my eating and to allow spontaneity when dining out. Recovery is possible. With consistent effort, you can shift your relationship with food and with social eating. You are not alone.
<< PS: My eating disorder involved a mix of anorexia, binge eating disorder, and orthorexia. You can read more about my journey HERE. >>
Food Anxiety Q&A
These questions came directly from you — I asked the Fit Foodie Finds community on Instagram for topics they wanted covered, and I’m answering them below.
How do you politely ask the restaurant to cook vegetables in olive oil instead of butter?
Today I usually don’t request specific cooking methods. Part of enjoying a restaurant is tasting different flavors and the occasional indulgence. If you need to make a substitution for health or allergy reasons, ask politely and simply — most places are accommodating. But if the request comes from anxiety, consider whether you can try the dish as served and focus on the experience instead of perfection.
How do you deal with big events and photos being taken?
Confidence helps. Focus on how you feel rather than how you look. Practicing self-acceptance and reminding yourself that photos capture moments and connections, not judgment, can make a big difference.
Tips on ordering what your body is craving now rather than what you “think you should be eating.”
Start by listening to hunger and craving cues. If you genuinely want something indulgent, order it and enjoy it without planning punishment afterward. Social norms can create rigid “good vs. bad” food lists; try to view dining out as an opportunity to nourish both body and pleasure. You may not finish everything, and that’s okay — giving in to a craving is part of honoring your body.
How do you handle thoughts about other people judging you for what you’re eating?
Work on the mindset that other people’s opinions don’t define you. Cultivate confidence and self-compassion. Often the fear of judgment is louder in our heads than in reality.
How do you steer others toward healthier restaurants without seeming difficult?
Choose who you spend time with wisely. Friends who share your preferences or who are flexible about dining choices make it easier. When planning, offer a few options rather than insisting on one place — that feels collaborative instead of controlling.
How do you handle anxiety when restaurants list calorie counts?
I avoid looking at calorie counts. For a long time, seeing numbers triggered obsessive thoughts about portioning and restriction. Ignoring the numbers encourages intuitive eating and helps me stop when I feel satisfied rather than when I’ve met an arbitrary calorie target.
What do you do when someone orders takeout/pizza and you’re pressured to eat it?
You always have a choice. Eat it only if you genuinely want it. Respect your hunger and cravings — your body will tell you what it needs.
How do you handle comments about your eating habits and disorders from others?
Some people are surprised when they learn I eat pizza or dessert. You don’t owe anyone justification for your choices. Surround yourself with supportive people and practice simple, calm responses if you encounter intrusive comments.
How do you handle the guilt that comes with eating a “bad” food?
That guilt takes time to overcome. Reframe your thinking from “good/bad” to “just food.” Allow yourself to indulge without moral judgment. Embracing balance and remembering that tomorrow is a fresh start helps ease guilt.
What do you do to distract yourself on a bad day?
I try to get outside, spend time with supportive friends, or go to the climbing gym. Movement and fresh air lift my mood. On particularly tough days, I also accept that I might overeat and I try to treat myself kindly instead of punishing myself.
How did you learn to live in the moment and enjoy eating out even if the food felt “unhealthy”?
Practice and exposure were key. I repeatedly put myself in situations where I allowed “unhealthy” foods and learned that those experiences didn’t cause the catastrophic outcomes I feared. Saying yes more often, and focusing on company and conversation, helped me rewire my response to food.
How do you balance eating healthy without being overly picky or inviting comments from friends?
Listen to your body and order what you truly want. If you choose a salad or a burger, own that choice confidently. Friends who care about you won’t judge — and if someone does, it often says more about them than about you.
How do you move away from “safe” foods and try new things at restaurants?
Dropping food labels like “good” and “bad” helped me experiment. Aim for balance and curiosity instead of rigid rules. If you’re nervous, try a small portion or share a dish. Over time, tasting a wider variety of foods becomes easier and more enjoyable.
